There is a difference between someone who needs help and a chronic complainer. A person who is actually asking a question or wants advice will ask once and generally take or thank you for your suggestions. A chronic complainer does not want actual solutions to the problems he is talking about or you to join in his complaints. If he did, once you gave him a solution, he would stop complaining. Generally ignoring and confronting him won't work since he may become more agitated, passive-aggressive or unload on someone else, which could make the workplace or home still unlivable.
Instructions
1. Show complainers you understand. Alexander Kjerulf, a workplace consultant and author who has worked with companies such as Hilton, Chrysler and IBM, says the key to stopping the complainer is to give him what he wants, and complainers want empathy. This is why solutions like joining with them ("yes, the boss is too tough"), cheering them up, or ignoring them may not solve the problem. Saying things like "I don't know how you deal with so much" or "It really sounds like you had a tough day" eliminates the cycle of complaints and gives the complainer what he is looking for.
2. Don't be sarcastic, and you don't have to agree with complainers. Realize that what may seem like a trivial matter for you, is a big deal for them, and the proof is that they are going on and on about it.
3. Try different solutions. There is no one solution that will work for every person. Jack Canfield, author, motivational speaker and co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, which has sold over 100 million copies, lists a few ideas that may work at different times. He suggests agreeing with the complainer since this may "take the wind out of his sails." Particularly if the complainer is looking for arguments, the quickest way to end an argument is to concede. Canfield also suggests sharing a story of someone who perhaps was in a similar situation. This separates you from telling the person what to do (which may appear bossy) into you telling a story of someone else. If the complainer has two children who never clean their rooms, telling him a story of a mom with eight kids that gets them to clean up may make the complainer stop and think.
4. Let them vent into a solution. Canfield suggests writing it our for everyone to see. Try writing on a board two columns, one entitled "Ways to Make It Work," the second, "Why It Won't Work." Have the family or business group come up with ideas for both sides, then cross out the second section and say that we need to focus on fixing the problem and move on.
5. Try jokes. If you have been told by others that you do have a good sense of humor (not in your personal opinion) try to find a way to make the situation funny. Do not embarrass the complainer. Try to focus on you or the general situation. While the complainer may not laugh at first, if he sees that others laugh at it, he may begin to realize there is something wrong with him or his perception.
6. Set boundaries. Canfield advises that there may be some things you can't solve. Some people only complain when a painful past issue or hot topic is brought up. If this is not something you can or want to solve, put a boundary on what you or he will talk about.
